It's been worst the distance between us.. It makes me wanna cry.. But I was just using work to distract myself .. I would rather be dreaming that I still have you....not sure what happen last night in the middle of the show.. I said I'll go to the toilet and next thing when I back you were offline and when I call your mum says your asleep...

Are you getting sick of me?
Sigh... There's so much we've done together please don't let this be over... Just like that........ I really wanna see you again Iain...
Tell me what can I do to have to back again.... I miss you so much........

You mean so much to me... I tried to text you constantly today when your online but you just ignore me.......... What have I done.......

The last few days when you were missing and that you were back I didn't moan or scold you and I learning how to understand how you feel and kept myself from asking too much question and let it be... But it's seems like that you just have it worst...!

I don't know what to do Iain.... Please don't go away.......

Your hiding from me again.....

All I know is that all of a sudden you just disappear in my life... When the last time we spoke was so well and normal.. And you just disappear......

How long you wanna keep going on like this.. Disappearing and reappearing in my life missing and worrying about you....
I can't even sleep well at night and I've bad dreams about you....

I hate you for what you've been putting me through.....

Why can't you just keep to what you say.....

What happen to making me happy........

Why do I've to go through this everyday......... Thinking whether you will speak to me or be angry with me worrying that you won't love me again....

It's so tormenting and tiring...... Why can't I have a loving relationship with you like anyone else why do I have to be alone and go through all this you have to give to me.......

I don't expect you to be here but at least be nice to me an stop disappearing............

I just want to be happy

Where have you gone?

When I got home your were offline when my phone come to life again. It was my off day and I wanna spend more time with you. Was looking forward to watch idiot abroad with you but you weren't online for so long... I called but your mum said your probably asleep.. I stayed up till 3am wake up at 6am and even 9am to see if your awake and online but you weren't...... Guess you went out instead.. Though you said you went out the day before so you won't be going out again today.... Sigh...
So hard to get to you now a days even especially my off day when I thought I could spend more time.........
Sigh I'm losing you.....

It hasn't been any better, Iain and I..

I've been busy with work and we don't get to chat much.. Most of the time he be too tired and grumpy..

I'm really worried ill lose him :/

I really wish he could visit me this coming Chinese New Year and I might wanna even join him back to UK...
Taking charge of flights everyday kinda give me the feeling of flying too especially couples goes on for holiday makes me feel more lonely each day.. I've never fly with anyone before and it's always by myself...

Really wanna do it with you..

Please don't forget me Iain...

I miss you so much

Feel lousy every time I got you in a bad mood. Just like every other day. And yes you will go like what the fuck are you moaning about all sounding angry with me , I really felt that anger and hate.

It's shit I can't make you feel better but angrier each time... Even if I try to ask you what happen or how you been doing what have you done to maybe distract your mood a little but it never works.. Only ending myself with a big scolding by you that I'm trying to catch you out and complaining to you when I want to share some things that been happening at work..

As always I cried cause I hate to hear to angry and your mad at me for nothing. Not a very good day to start work like every morning :/

It's so hard to see you happy :( it's rare...
and it's not easy to handle an angry person which you love..

Like I care and worried every time and get push away feeling rejected.. You never wanna understand how I feel.. Cause your too much to have yourself and you never care bout what other people feels.. But I guess it's my choice that I love you and I've I chose to handle all this one sided love... Sigh....

Hope work distract me today. I wish I could sleep... Just quietly next to you to feel your presence

Wish you feel better soon.. And be strong so you can fight this horrible feeling every time you cut down

I see that you been on asiandating lately..

Maybe your not mad...

Your just bored of me.... And found someone esle to talk to..

No wonder the distance... No wonder the rush.. Cause you just can't wait to talk to them.. I was right...

I just hate myself that I'm not good enough...

Dear Iain,

I've not sure what happen lately.. But I've felt so distance from you. Especially today. You were so mad at me when I ask you why are you so different lately.. I getting lesser chance to speak with you and I'm worried. You may be in a bad mood I don't know. I feel things are back to where it was, you being angry at me and all. It's so difficult to please you.. I thought a week ago things were great. I was so happy that you finally see my effort. We were normal and you sounded happy again. It just melts my heart when you told me you just wanna make me happy. But as I thought its gotta be that all these wont last.. It was just a mere 3 days of an excellent happy you I could ever ask for and then you turn back to your nasty gloomy hot tempered self. Willing to hang up the call on me which you know I hate the most.
I realise is after when you went to kan and your doctor. You seems to be mad, I'm not sure is it cause your running out and you felt that they ain't there to help you that you feel helpless.

Whatever it is Iain, I'll always be here for you. And I want you to know that very clear that I care a lot about you. I ain't selfish, it's just that I really want you :( I wish I can make you feel a lot better I wish I can take your depression away. I wish I could hug you right now and you be happy. I'm worried about your being that's why I ask. I don't mean to make you feel like your being controlled. I'm not even trying to control you.

I miss you very much Iain.. Very very much.. And my work ain't helping me to have more chance to speak with you.. I don't know how long more till you be speaking with me again.. I'm really sad and worried now... I wish you will feel better soon....

.... Iain...

I do love you....

Claire

I can't describe myself how much I feel for you recently...
Everyday I looked forward to seeing you again in a few months.. And everything was great.. But I fail to keep in touch with you as much as I want... I kept saying I'll take a nap but I ended up sleeping...

I wish you understand I was really tired recently.. Not the less I still look forward to speak with you everyday after work.. Especially today when I'm off from work I try to get you but I couldn't.. I ring you up but you went out....

No, I never expect you to come home early or even at all.. I blame myself for it cause you must have been tired waiting for me... But I want you to know that you've always been what I've look forward to.. And it's scary how a day will be like without you online... It's scaring me now and I'm all upset.... I really scare of losing you... As you said you were special to me... You really are Iain.. and I'm so scare of losing you just because I didn't take enough time for you....

I really dream about seeing you again everyday.. And I want you to be mine again... You still may not believe that I'm waiting but as long as I'm still waiting for you online I'm still waiting to be with you again...

I miss you so much... I just wanna hear you again...