I should just kill myself...

I'm surprise I've been living on without money for a month with no money in my pocket. I've been waiting for my payday for so long so I can finally have some money today(28th) but no my company has to fuck me up saying they don't have my timing recorded in the system. Even if my managers send in my time sheet I might have to wait till next month 12th to get my pay!!!! So all my colleagues have no problem all happily got their pay but not me!!! It's so fucking unfair!!

My manager and leads advise me to get long pants for work which normally only available for full timers. Manager told me they will send an email to them so I can get them but I went to get it fit today it was too long and they say they can't alter it cause I'm a causal staff. 

What the fuck!! Just fucking kill me already!!

I'm so fucking sick of having to live in a constant disappointment!! Everything is so fucking unfair!!! 

It's scares me to know that I'll never love someone the same or even thinking about the ability to fall in love again... Everything I ever wish to do is to be with you...

keep having the chorus of ' the one that got away' in my head :(

I'm hopeless...

I've heard there are people who already got selected as a performer and I strongly believe I won't be anymore...

Why do they have to tease me like that...

Why does my life always filled with false hope and constant disappointment....

I'm so pathetic.... I was never good enough for anything! You deserve to die Claire... 

I'm still crazy about you...

I dreamt about you last night.. I was picking you up from work as a surprise and my heart was racing when I saw you..I felt so close to you :(

I will never forgive myself

I'm just a horrible person...

I deserve to die alone...

Please take my life away...

I couldn't stand feeling so scare of being sad and miserable anymore...

This time I realise that it has always been me! 

He will never speak to me again :( We will never meet only misery and me...

Why can't I just be a normal person with a normal life to able to be with someone I love ... Why do I have to ruin everything!! 

I'm fucking sick of you Claire! Go fucking die !!!

I didn't realise you did still read this blog even though I've not been using it for a long time...

Everyday I've been thinking to myself how can I ever move on or forget about someone who means so much to me(something you still didn't seem to understand) moreover someone who always came across my mind everyday..

I still wish for the day you would say 

"  I miss you and I want you back "

I still miss you I still think about you everyday. I'm just a call away

Don't give up.

I love you