I'm sorry... I've done it...

I hurt myself again... I can't help it.. I was panicking I was afraid.. I can't stop being scare .. I have to do it.. I can't get hold of anyone to speak of, I have to do it to stop myself from panicking to wake myself the fuck up and stop this hysteria. 

Now is just gulit.. I can't let him know I can't let anyone know I did this.. But it's my only way to escape my own way to stop the episode... Please forgive me... 

Forgive me for being such failure...

you won't let me talk to you... but i'm dying inside

SO FUCKING ANGRY WITH MYSELF!

WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING ON THIS EARTH! IVE NO USE TO SOCIETY OR ANYONE! IM JUST A FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE! PLEASE JUST PUT ME OFF MY FUCKING MISERY!

What the fuck is wrong with me...

What the fuck am I doing ??

I feel so fucking useless, wasting my time away...

I miss you so fucking much...

why do you have to push me away...

I feel like my days are numbered...

I'm just a complete failure 

Death is all I felt when not a single souls reply to you and you really just want a presence or a cuddle...

Didn't know so far away from home I still feel like death 

Your voice is my only motivation to get through my day...

When you are so sad for so long you started feeling scare all of a sudden and you can't stop crying hysterically for help and you deperately looking on your phone find someone to talk to but all you only find yourself crying alone in darkness...

That's when you find that you are going crazy! 

Be patience with me and understand my flaws.. Know that I'm trying so hard to be a better person.

Please don't neglect me.

Please don't push me away.

Please don't forget me.

I do need you as I am all alone.

I don't want to always be fighting on the losing end

I can't stand myself...

I hate it everyday...

I just want to disappear

The constant fear of being replace....

Have you ever wake up scare feeling like your heart is in your mouth and you feel that nothing is okay? Your heart keep aching and you are trembling in fear for hours in bed cause you can't find a relief? 

That's what anxiety do to you... 

It makes you wanna end your life cause there is nothing good but constant fear and paranoia 

I don't wear seat belts, I walk across the road with my mind messed up...

I secretly hope I got into an accident and die

I've a death wish

Is it weird to say I can't wait to get laid tomorrow?

Fuck... I just want you so much :(

Two days without food and I'm not hungry...

I'm sad...

It's not what I wanted but do I have any other choice cause I don't wanna lose you :( 

Please end this misery

Please take my life and the pain with it

What is this? When you feel so hurt you feel like crying but no tears comes out... 

When you miss someone you should be feeling bliss...

Yet I feel miserable knowing he won't feel the same... 

I wish I can easy just message... 

I don't like to hide my feelings yet I feel weak if I do....

When will this bitterness ever stop

Why can't anyone tell me it's over? 

Why do I have to make this move myself.

I can't eat or sleep well anymore... 

I felt lied to and betrayed... 

I'm decaying everyday

It's too painful...

This is pointless...

It will be the last week... 

I can't fight anymore...

I will give me greatest last 

I miss him I miss him so much this is not good!! 

I lost myself... I have fallen... And it can only be a painful road from now on till I can't stand the pain to take my life

I can't do it... It doesn't feel right at all.. I'm too weak to play. All I think was him...

I think I've fall into the deep end. 

I'm going on a date but all I think is him...

Ugh. Pathetic. 

Why can't you just call me and say I want to see you?? 

I feel defeated. I lost a battle that I'm too weak to fight. I'm not strong. I'm just ain't good enough for this game call love. 

I'm timid and I'm scare. Yet I dream big. I want more something I could not have to begin with 

So on my birthday it happen. I was surprised but it happen...

Now what? 

Where do we go from here? It getting more and more complicated! 

Today, I'm a quarter of a century old. 

Let's see who wishes me happy birthday since I've put my facebook birthday on private. 

Facebook; you've no power here! 

I feel sick... I lost a date.. I wasn't good enough...

Now I'm scared for my life to lose the one  I care the most...

Decision has to get so hard now... Should I still continue fighting to see him and risk having him getting annoyed of me or should I just drift away....