It's happening... The saddness has taken me..

I was really scared to sleep but now I woke up 3 hrs later terrified and lonely... This is what I hate the most... Please.. I rather just have a really long sleep...

James... I miss you...

strong one sided love

I've just constantly put myself in disappointment no matter how many time I try to bite it through and talk as if I wasn't hurt or affected.. But I know in the end I can only take this much...

James doesn't sound to keen to talk to me when I give him a ring when I got home. He was irritable and was using angry tone at me... Even if he said I wasn't annoy but I felt so strongly enough that I am... 

My greatest fear to being alone, but I never thought being alone cause you felt like everyone is annoyed at you and not wanting to speak to you is so painful it's almost unbearable...  

Nothing good ever happen when I come home...

I only find myself crawling into bed curling up and let the darkness swallows me..

You won't even sound keen to speak with me anymore,.. I don't know if I should even look for you anymore...You don't have any signs that you miss me or excitement to hear from me... It's really different when I last came home from Sydney...

I miss the then you... What have I done....

I miss you already...

There are so much things I have done for you and no one else..but it's just not good enough... And I'm just asking for a little love a little attention...

I'm starting to think if it's really worth it :( cause whatever I've done was never appreciate or seen. And I can't help feeling neglected for.. Even when I'm sick myself I worry more about you...

I wish I'm strong enough... I consciously know that all this is wrong but still I'm scare and hopeful... Please give me strength..

Being hopeful you've to always expect disappointment.. 

You've to be strong and hold it in and tell yourself it can be better tomorrow..

But I'm just feeling defeated....

This is all an act?

Will the curtains close when I go home? 

It's the last day it's the last night... I'm glad I was able to spend these short moments with you..
I'm scare of missing you or to even think that if I'll ever see you again.

I love you... But will you ever be mine again :(