Today I feel a strong vibe of stress and its getting me really depress...

It's eating right into me now...

It hurts...

I feel like crying for no reason...

I feel so alone...

I just wish to be hug from the back while I lie on my side on the bed..

To be caress.. And be whispered
" everything is going to be okay... "

I told myself, if I ignore it maybe it will go away...

I try to kept myself busy thinking about work. Though sometimes when I finish work and ready to head home, I was always scare that I've no plans and that when I get home I'll be lonely and resulting to think about you..

I guess the weekends are inevitable. That I'll have no work and having the whole day on my home in my room.. And now it come to a point that I miss you... Secretly wish you will speak to me...

I must be stupid.. Don't think you will ever read my blog..

Why can't you want me like the other boys do...? They stare at me while I stare at you.....

It's true I crave you...

But now your just somebody that I used to know...

It just couldn't get any worst...

Now, I even lost the only person left I can speak to which is Iain...
I've been honest with him and tell him all my problem since the day he let me in and listen to my problems while I was in Australia..

The thing about Iain and I is whenever we have an argument it will only get worst and out of topic. He will eventually then hang up on me leaving me devastated and hanging at the worst feeling...

I realise that it's really all my fault that Im just a horrible person like Iain said. I only bring the worst out of people. Why am I like that? Why is a question asking if his not interested to speak with me anymore and that I will understand and not bother him anymore will lead to a huge argument of nothingness.. Ending up having him angry at me for having a go a him, which what I really do is asking a simple understanding question?

It's hard enough.. everything that's been going on.. Having the feeling that people just give up on you makes me feel so... worthless and hopeless...

But I found out one thing... Is that I'll never wanna be with someone that just hang up on me or walk away...

Guess I'm going back to the days where I just have to cry myself to sleep every night... Please... I just wanna feel better..... I wanna be normal

When I've found you and we first met I was happy that I've met someone who can finally take away all my pain...
As when time past with you I've dreamt for being with you cause you can make me laugh and forget the pain.. You were special to me...

But you bought pain to my life again... Once again I'm been down to my lowest desperate self.. I feel hopeless and devastated.. Can't stop blaming and hating myself for everything.. I'll never be love for what I've become.....
I'll never move on cause life love giving me sick jokes... Many times i wonder whether life is worth living anymore as it has bought nothing but pain to me all the time....

I just want to be love and care... Which I could never get from anyone anywhere... I'm just myself... Forever alone

This world is too beautiful for me to live in....

I can't stand seeing those happy faces...

It's making me feel hopeless...

I'm already feeling the depression and loneliness few days before heading back home... Heading back to the true reality.

I guess this will numb me better when I get home.

I wish somewhere out there... There is still hope and happiness...

Please take away my misery...

This blog is my internal thoughts for you

It's funny that how hard I tried to move on.. I still miss you...

I wonder if you still reads my blog anymore