I cannot forgive myself ever...

I miss you so much James...

please come back...

I got kicked out...

I still think a lot about the first night we met...

:( 

I can't believe my past has put myself in such burden and grieve... I get real sensetive and burst out of things I'm unhappy... Ever since I've burden everyone I've met... Every decision I made seems to be wrong.. Everything I've done out of kindness and consideration is also wrong... And the people I fight so hard for are they really worth? 

I've nothing but guilt for those I've burden because of my past and my selfishness...

Yet I'm doing my very very best to be in the best form, to live out of my past and for once, trust. I wish for the patience of people around me... I'm sorry for ungrateful ness I'm sorry for being so difficult... 

Will I ever be happy for once...............

I don't know what I can do... It's been a week... Still it's going nowhere... James still giving me the cold shoulder.. He refuse to be close with me ... Don't feel like his gf at all... Not even a friend... I'm just treated like a nobody...

I wish I know how to make him happy... But I fail every single time... My head hurts so much... I feel so desperate... I feel so trapped... We spent so much money and time together... And yet this is what we end up just cause of a petty argument... I don't wanna regret my time spent with you being like this... I love you... But I don't know what can I do... I don't want this... I can't help feeling that my days are so limited here but your just pushing me away when we can spend happy quality time together....

I don't know what esle to say but I'm sorry for being such a horrible person ... 

I do trust you and please understand I always say the wrong things when I'm angry... 

Please let's work this out together... 

There's only 9 days left... 

Help.. I don't know what to do..

I cook for you and I clean for you but not only you wont have dinner with me that I cooked you didn't say thank you. All you said was ' I didn't ask you to do so...'

I can't feel anymore neglected...

You didn't wanna talk to me... You didn't  even ask me how am I...

And when I ask you why not all you do is calling god...

I'm being house arrest...

I'm trapped with someone who didn't appreciate or even look at me...

I feel like I owe everything...

please stop i just want to be close :(