I wish time will freeze and be able to spend more time with you even it's to the point of extending my trip :(

I found out I'm really just a bad omen in people's life... Throughout this trip I've lost 3 people whose been a big part of my life lately.. I can't help but to feel how much is of my fault to blame and feel bad for giving them such difficult time that they would want me out of their life...

I'm sorry I couldn't be normal and I always seems to have so much problems in hand.. I'm always hoping someone could be understanding and supporting.. But I just keep losing them..and I will only come to defeat myself into understanding others...

I don't really want to let people in my life anymore... I don't want them to feel my burden... Don't want to give anyone a reason to leave again...

I deserve to be alone...

No gain with courage

For the last few days I've been tossing in bed.. Thinking about us... Missing you...

Till a point I was afraid to wake up when I fall asleep... Waking up to the reality that your no longer mine and it just me in a cold lonely bed... 

I can't forget your face...

Today I finally got the courage to send you a message and even try to call you... I rang you up with my uk number.. You pick up and say hello.. It was a tiny moment of bliss when I hear your voice... But just after I said hello, could you hear me..?

You hang up on me...

You continued to turn off your phone when I tried to ring again...

I can feel my chest tightens and darkness crawls in...

I was just really really wish to see you again before I leave for home.....

I miss you really much...

But I can't help to understand now how much you didn't want me in your life anymore... I'm sorry for what I've done... But I guess there's no other chance since it has come to this...

It's been a long and painful fight for you... No matter how hard to try to have you again I lose you... It's my pain to bear...

But always remember that I'll always love you...

And because I love you, it gave me the last strength to let you go to find your happiness without me :( 

I couldn't let him know his good enough...

I couldn't lt him know his perfect...

I couldn't let him know how much he means to me...

I couldn't let him know how much I don't deserve him...

It's all my fault...

I wanna see you again so bad :(

Be able to touch you, feel you and look into your eyes again...

I really really miss you

The Boxer Rebellion - If You Run

is it really the end...?