I want nothing more...

I want to love you and want to continue loving you but I'm too tired.. tired of seeing each other like a fairy tale.. I should have run long long time ago but now I've a part of you in me.. I really wish this is the last thing I've to go through with you.. I want nothing more.. If we were mean to be,we would one day.. But maybe not this time..

I just feel like running away.. after all these is settled...

You could peacefully be together with your gf without hiding and I could stop all the heartaches waiting for you..

It's really the best for us...

life sure is unfair...*

Maybe she really needs to know how lucky she is... You went back to her while she cries when you tried to leave her... saying you don't wanna create a scene...

...why doesn't my ex bf came back to me when i was crying and running after him... but instead he pull my hair and throw me onto the floor...and make a big scene as my head hit the curb and bleeds like a crime scene......

sometimes... it really comes to my sense that why have I always have to be the victim of every situations and to go through the most shitest things of every problems that can happen...

i could have made it this far..... but doesn't mean i could last forever........

I'm tired...*

I've given you time.. I've given you love.. I've given you trust.. but all I ever had in return was misery... I'm tired.. tired on holding to this hope that doesn't even know if it ever existed...

tired of crying in confusion.. tired of the pain that tears my life a part.. tired of telling myself everything is okay..

my heart cries when I see you... asking... when will this ever end.......

iStudio @ OC

Yupyup.. I've just started work there.. Everything seems pretty okay.. It's my first time working in retail line..Luckily I know quite a few things about iPhones and Macbooks which normally customers would ask..So, things isn't really that bad..

The only problem is I didn't really sleep for my first day of work and it kinda kills me after work when I went out to play L4D2.. I've never play game and keep having myself doze off before! Whenever I open my eyes, either I hit the wall in the game or I was attack by zombie and I'm just standing there lols.. The whole day I was in a daze, felt really lifeless and I can't even talk properly.. I'm not being myself at all.. I feel so bad =(

I tore my cheek!! o.0 (SAW inspired)

After Avatarize myself yesterday, with the awesomeness of photoshop.. I continue to play around with photoshop again.. This time, from my all time favorite movie, SAW..

The Reverse Bear Trap is one of my favorite trap in SAW.. Yes, It came back on SAW 6.. This time for the 'Badass' Detective Hoffman..

This 'Badass' is so determine to stay alive and I actually like it.. But well He still lose his cheek trying to escape from the trap.. His ripped cheek inspire me and I done a photoshop of it on myself ^^''

It looks pretty awesome to me!! xD.. muahhaha

Avatarize

Recently, I've watched Avatar in 3D.. Seriously I kinda like it and almost cried during the show..

I was just really curious how I'll look like as one of the Na'vi..

It took me sometime and here's the result... ^^''

I kinda overdone the eyes but overall, I loved it! =)

My Beliefs

I've been thinking recently about the belief of God & religions as it seems to be a quite an interesting topic to share and talk about.. I asked around a bit to understand and listen to their believes.. Seriously there's no right or wrong, is a personal belief, faith and commitment..

It's interesting of what I heard from people.. I don't think it's a subject to be put into an argument in fact to be open about it.. To accept other people's believe instead of shit talking..I'm not writing to criticize any Religions or Beliefs and I apologize if I offend anyone but if you are, than I think your not open enough to accept people's beliefs.. Here is my sharing of my thoughts and personal beliefs..

If your interested to know about some of my beliefs please continue reading...

Okies.. Here goes,

I personally do believe in an existence of the spirit of God but not totally.. But one is that I can't truly believe or understand is the Religions..

I've quoted someone having this saying "God is God. Organized religion is man's vision of God. As soon as you join one, you are buying into some other damned fools notion of God rather than God."

..and another reply from someone, "I have a strong belief in a 'God'.I do not believe in organized religion because religion is a creation of mankind, and is almost always hierarchical, and contains human flaws. Also, organized religion serves to separate people into groups who argue about their 'rightness'. This has been the foundation of a great many unholy wars."

Seriously, I do agree with what they say.. God is God and Religions and worshipping is man-made.. I maybe believe in God but not really to the extend of commitment and worshipping.. But who knows, I'm just not ready..

'Adam & Eve' or 'Evolution'? Evolution, I believe in sciences and evidence.. Seeing to believe instead of hearsay..

'Life after death' or ' Nothing' Well, I believe that Nothing gotta happen to us after we died.. Nahh.. nothing at all.. My personally theory is that the way we behave is inherit and control by your brain A.K.A yourself.. What your wants and needs is create by the environment around you..So when you die you just die together with your brain =)

Overall, I think I believe I'm an Agnostic.. People who are uncertain of the existence.. Cause seriously, I don't know either.. I couldn't consider myself as an Atheist cause Atheist don't believe in any existence of God.. So here's some personally beliefs I've shared with you guys or maybe just myself.. Anyway, this topic is very interesting and a bit sensitive, but my curiosity will never stop here to find out more.. ^^

Lastly here's a saying from my friend Justin to concludes the believe in Religions, which I totally agree..

"Religion is a guiding path in ones life.it may not be true,it may not be real but humans just need smth to get themselves feel secure.just like the past,how sun is to human." - Justin

Living in stress again...

Yupp, desperately looking for a job again..It angers me all the time that I've been searching for a job so badly and my family is saying "oh,your useless.. everyday stay at home in front of the laptop.. why don't go find a job!"

Well... the bloody fact is I've been searching for jobs everyday on the internet!!

Sometimes I kinda regret coming back to Singapore.. I would have stayed longer if not because of him... Is it really worth it?

I still feel as miserable as before.. lonely as usual...

I really hope I could and I'll try my very best to get a temporary job.. enough for me to get a plane ticket back to Germany by April..

Just remember Stefan! This can't always be one sided.. You must visit me soon too!! x)

When we first met..

I've such a wonderful time in Germany even it's just for 8 days.. I've finally met you after planning for so long since 2008.. Thanks to someone that make this happen for us..

The day I met you was a long day for me..I remember when I first met you.. It was so EPIC.. Although it's completely different from your dream, still it was kinda dramatic x)

Here's the story,again...

In New York,

My flight was 3 hours late due to the stupid weather, only to know I missed my train and I will not reach Dusseldorf on time.. I kinda panic cause I don't want you to worry sick about me when you don't see me..

First I tried to call you from JFK wanting to inform you about my flight delay that I'll be late.. Which apparently didn't got through and you complained that you fail your test because I call you at 4am!=(

After which I tried to make a call from the plane and lucky it got through.. I was kinda annoyed when I told you a lot of times "I'm still in the 'plane' " which apparently you heard "plane" as "train" so I've to ask the German couple next to me to explain to you ^^''

In Frankfurt,

So I finally reach Frankfurt at around 1pm.. I did call you again that I've reach and you keep telling me about the next train number going to Dusseldorf.. I'm like ok ok! I haven't collect my luggage yet.. So I rush to collect my luggage..

First I got my main HUGE luggage and I start to sit and wait for my Rock Band Guitar which is also checked in... I totally sat through till the belt stopped and my guitar is still not out!! I went around asking and looking, finally to make a baggage lost report......... I spent so much time in Frankfurt just for that..

I rush to the train station, feeling worried to extreme and having my leg keep hitting by the awfully heavy luggage.. I missed my scheduled train so I'm not sure if I could get in another train.. First I went to the ticketing and they told me to go to the customer service, then the customer service told me to go to the travel center -.-

Travel center has quite a slow queue... =( and finally she told me to take the next train at certain timing with the train number and platform which is in 5 mins time.. She also explain that I might have to TOP UP maybe 24euro for the next train cause I miss my actual train..

After which I totally RUN to the platform and again got hit by my luggage countless of times.. Slowly I realize...It was COLD!! and I've only have one hoodie on...T-T I went to the payphone and tried to give you another call.. only to give you the wrong train number...

The train arrived and I board the train..Due to my luggage is so heavy,I couldn't even carry up aboard myself.. luckily there is a nice uncle to help me X)

On board the train, the train conductor told me that my original ticket is not valid and I've to purchase another one for 42 euro.. I'm like what???? I thought I only have to top up a few euro but in the end I paid for a whole new ticket....... I was so sad.....

I have to change another train at Köln and lucky the train conductor do tell me which track to take the next train from.. Again during the process I have my leg crush countless of time... and also fail to carry my luggage onboard xD..

In Dusseldorf,

When I finally alight at Dusseldorf.. I was so scared I couldn't see you.. and I remember one of the passenger told me to make an announcement when I told her my problem.. I went straight to the control station and ask the personnel if he can make an announcement for me to look for my friend 'Stefan'.. In response, He told me he don't understand english... *facepalm*

So fine, I continue to walk down the platform hoping to see you.. Suddenly,this guy holding a cardboard on his hand,desperately looking at the information board caught my eyes.. I ran up to him and stood beside him quietly.. It was you.. =) You turned and stare at me for 10 seconds and you hug me damnnnn tight xD I was so happy I've finally met you after all that I've go through that day and worrying not able to find you.. both of us were so happy we're about to cry hahaha.. ohoh! and you show me the signboard you did for me saying 'Welcome Claire' & dig out 'fluffy' the teddy bear out of your bag,that you bought from the stationary shop. Your so sweet!! x) I'm soooo sorry to make you wait for 5 hours and making you able to know all the shops name with your eyes close.. I feel so badd xD I still do.. hehehe..

We didn't do much that day cause you can see I had a long day and I just wish for a rest..

and this is the day that we first met =)

Billy Talent - Surrender

She reads a book from across the street
Waiting for someone that she'll never meet
Talk over coffee for an hour or two
She wonders why I'm always in a good mood

Killing time before she struts her stuff
She needs support and I've become the crutch
She'll never know how much she means to me
I'd play the game but I'm the referee

[CHORUS]
(Surrender)
Every word, every thought, every sound
(Surrender)
Every touch, every smile, every frown
(Surrender)
All the pain we've endured until now
(Surrender)
All the hope that I lost you have found
(Surrender) Yourself to me

Even though I know what I'm looking for
She's got a brick wall behind her door
I'd travel time and confess to her
But I'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger

[CHORUS]

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
This flower don't belong to me
Why can't she belong to me?

Every word, every thought, every sound
Every touch, every smile, every frown
All the pain we've endured until now
All the hope that I lost, you have found

[CHORUS]
(Surrender)
Every word, every thought, every sound
(Surrender)
Every touch, every smile, every frown
(Surrender)
All the pain we've endured until now
(Surrender)
All the hope that I lost you have found


(Surrender)
I never had the nerve to ask
(Surrender)
Has my moment come and passed?
(Surrender)
I never had the nerve to ask
(Surrender)
Has my moment come and passed?
(Surrender)
I never had the nerve to ask
(Surrender)
Has my moment come and passed?
(Surrender)
I never had the nerve to ask

Feeling lost...

Ever since I'm back from my trip.. I feel.. lost.. Maybe part of me still lives in Germany x) I was right being back jobless and it sucks..I waited so long and been through all the interview and training for Universal Studio Singapore only to be rejected due to my tattoos... FFFFFFFUUUUU!!!

I've been staying at home most of the days and the only person back in Singapore I've met up or talk so far with is only Ruff o.O

I feel awfully lonely..

It's been almost 2 years that I'm single.. I've never been so lonely before.. I've met so many people during this period.. We like each other but there's always something that stop us for being together.. I miss having a proper relationship... what's wrong with me.........