Feel lousy every time I got you in a bad mood. Just like every other day. And yes you will go like what the fuck are you moaning about all sounding angry with me , I really felt that anger and hate.

It's shit I can't make you feel better but angrier each time... Even if I try to ask you what happen or how you been doing what have you done to maybe distract your mood a little but it never works.. Only ending myself with a big scolding by you that I'm trying to catch you out and complaining to you when I want to share some things that been happening at work..

As always I cried cause I hate to hear to angry and your mad at me for nothing. Not a very good day to start work like every morning :/

It's so hard to see you happy :( it's rare...
and it's not easy to handle an angry person which you love..

Like I care and worried every time and get push away feeling rejected.. You never wanna understand how I feel.. Cause your too much to have yourself and you never care bout what other people feels.. But I guess it's my choice that I love you and I've I chose to handle all this one sided love... Sigh....

Hope work distract me today. I wish I could sleep... Just quietly next to you to feel your presence

Wish you feel better soon.. And be strong so you can fight this horrible feeling every time you cut down

I see that you been on asiandating lately..

Maybe your not mad...

Your just bored of me.... And found someone esle to talk to..

No wonder the distance... No wonder the rush.. Cause you just can't wait to talk to them.. I was right...

I just hate myself that I'm not good enough...

Dear Iain,

I've not sure what happen lately.. But I've felt so distance from you. Especially today. You were so mad at me when I ask you why are you so different lately.. I getting lesser chance to speak with you and I'm worried. You may be in a bad mood I don't know. I feel things are back to where it was, you being angry at me and all. It's so difficult to please you.. I thought a week ago things were great. I was so happy that you finally see my effort. We were normal and you sounded happy again. It just melts my heart when you told me you just wanna make me happy. But as I thought its gotta be that all these wont last.. It was just a mere 3 days of an excellent happy you I could ever ask for and then you turn back to your nasty gloomy hot tempered self. Willing to hang up the call on me which you know I hate the most.
I realise is after when you went to kan and your doctor. You seems to be mad, I'm not sure is it cause your running out and you felt that they ain't there to help you that you feel helpless.

Whatever it is Iain, I'll always be here for you. And I want you to know that very clear that I care a lot about you. I ain't selfish, it's just that I really want you :( I wish I can make you feel a lot better I wish I can take your depression away. I wish I could hug you right now and you be happy. I'm worried about your being that's why I ask. I don't mean to make you feel like your being controlled. I'm not even trying to control you.

I miss you very much Iain.. Very very much.. And my work ain't helping me to have more chance to speak with you.. I don't know how long more till you be speaking with me again.. I'm really sad and worried now... I wish you will feel better soon....

.... Iain...

I do love you....

Claire

I can't describe myself how much I feel for you recently...
Everyday I looked forward to seeing you again in a few months.. And everything was great.. But I fail to keep in touch with you as much as I want... I kept saying I'll take a nap but I ended up sleeping...

I wish you understand I was really tired recently.. Not the less I still look forward to speak with you everyday after work.. Especially today when I'm off from work I try to get you but I couldn't.. I ring you up but you went out....

No, I never expect you to come home early or even at all.. I blame myself for it cause you must have been tired waiting for me... But I want you to know that you've always been what I've look forward to.. And it's scary how a day will be like without you online... It's scaring me now and I'm all upset.... I really scare of losing you... As you said you were special to me... You really are Iain.. and I'm so scare of losing you just because I didn't take enough time for you....

I really dream about seeing you again everyday.. And I want you to be mine again... You still may not believe that I'm waiting but as long as I'm still waiting for you online I'm still waiting to be with you again...

I miss you so much... I just wanna hear you again...

I felt so regretful that I never make enough time to speak with you..

You must have felt the distance and got mad..

I can't help myself from feeling tired after work and whenever I told myself to take a short nap I'll end up sleeping...

I miss you so much Iain :(

I'm so sorry... I wish you will speak with me again

I had a feeling you were nice to me just cause you feel bad that your looking for someone else...

I feel horrible....

How can I ever forget about you when we share so much things together and now your looking for someone else....

How can I shake this off my head.....

I'm so jealous that I tried so hard, I couldn't get you back...........

Why are you doing this to me....

I burst into tears when you say those words...

I felt like I meant nothing to you..

So much fear.. I'm trembling..

I can't take this....

Why can't we be nicer to each other ?

Why can't you see the new me?

Why can't you love me.......

It's been torning me since day one that I want to win your attention or the slightest fondness...

I just can't stop feeling so bad about myself.. Just ugly and unattractive....

I want to be back with you.. I've still be waiting... I just wish you will like me again..........

I can't stop feeling lonely..... That it be even worst that you would've leave me for another girl....

Why can't I helped you? Why can't I make you happy?

I just can't stop being so selfish..

I promise I will not be insure I would learn....

I miss you so much....

I really wanna see you again...
I hope you do too...

February/March