4 weeks from now..

its been awhile since i been able to touch you.. I miss the feeling of your warm hug and tender kisses..

I miss you really much and whenever I'm on my phone, my wallpapers make me think about you more.. it saddens me that it will still be 4 weeks till i be able to see you again.. its seems so long away.. I can't wait to hug you again.. and sometimes think naughty things with you :)

I wish you be here with me now.. and that it will be the best thing to have you fetching me from work after a long tiring day..

to be honest.. 4 weeks its not too long neither is it short.. I'm worried that anything could happen to us.. I've been really paranoid about a relationship and about you from the start and I like to apologize but I can't help it... :( I really wish I can trust you again.. I really wish you never have to be angry with me all the time again..

recently everything's been good.. and I hope we can continue to stay this way.. without any unhappiness or argument..

I'll will do my best to understand you and I hope you do too..

may we be able to give in and accommodate each other for the better..

I'm really look forward till the day that you come and i'm counting down..I hope the job can make the day pass faster :))

dear hun,

I may be really sensitive and paranoid nowadays but please bare with me.. it's nice to hear from you that you care and your constant assure of your love to me :) It does makes me feel better.

this is the longest days we ever gotta be apart and I wish it will be and never more.. I hate this feeling and I feel so far away from you it sucks..

I love you and I really really miss you :( It really saddens me sometimes to know you're so far away but I'll always try to keep in mind that when you be here in end of aug for 3 months long and hopefully longer.. If so happens if you've something in mind please do share with me hun.. I'll be really concern to know.. It's really nice to hear you slightly cheerful nowadays and I wish is that things is good for you.. I'm happy to see you happy :D

Sorry if my entry doesn't make much sense and very random.. I just had redbull today to keep me alive.. my mind is mostly empty without much thoughts.. hehe

I love you I love you I love you..

you're always in my mind.

i think my heart just stop for a sec..

first message i got from you today is that you got robbed.. and when i try to get to you after such long while..

i was told you only came home at 1130am??

seriously I don't know how to response...

1. Concern about your being

2. Mad at you for coming back home the next day..

i seriously don't know what you did the whole night... but it obviously not the first time and obviously we have talked about it and obviously you were sorry...

i dont know how to put up with this right now..

i wish i can talk to you RIGHT now so appreciate if you could answer my bloody phone call..

today you got angry with me again as usual cause I called you as im unsure what you trying to say in your message and when I texted back there was no reply from you..

i never know where was I wrong to call you.. I understand that your out with your friend.. but i just wanna get it through what you mean in your message.. and I miss you a lot.. It sucks enough that I couldn't be there with you and I've to stuck here..

tomorrow i'll be starting my job in sentosa as a hotline operator.. and the last thing i have from you is that your mad at me instead of your blessing and support for my first day at work..

i dont know if you realize that it hurts me all the time when you call me names..

I'm sorry that i might have disturb you from being with your friend but I don't know why do you have to be so mad at me..

there's a lot of times in the text saying i love you but you wont even say it once to me even when i try to hint you a lot...yes you got me confuse again..whether or not you still love me..

every time i think about our relationship i just wish.. so hard.. that it could be all nice and happy.. i wish you could show me constantly that you love me.. and yes i really love if you could say that you do always as well..

i'm trying very hard not to think about anything now... whenever i think about us i just wish we could be happy.. and that you love me more :(

i'm happy that you be coming again in a month time but it seems so far away...

sigh... just wish you were here.. now....

i start to get really confuse with our relationship....

i really love you iain but sometimes i feel like your pushing me away..

i care alot about you...

today i didn't sleep well..as i waited whole night for you to come back home when your say you wont be out long and be back like 6.30pm-7pm (UK time)

i waited and waited... slowly the same episode comes back to me that you said you be back at a certain time but you never..

i called at 11pm (UK time) your dad answered said you aint home yet and that he also acknowledge from you that you be home by 6pm

i went to bed at 7am.. i didn't sleep well at all.. loads of nightmares and i wanna turning and turning till it gets to 11am (UK time)

i called once again with your mum picking up we chatted a bit and she told me to call few hours later..

i tried very hard to distract myself till 2pm (UK time) i called again and was told by your mum you actually only came home at 1030am

i was shock .. thinking what the hell did you do outside the whole night.. its already 24hours that ive not get in touch with you...

it's getting too much...

i feel my trust being crush all the time... i always try my best to trust you but you always fail to keep to your saying and that i always wait like an idiot...

im so confuse now...i feel that i've no respect nor appreciated..

i feel like you dont care if i'm waiting or worrying..

and i know if i start telling you all these you will say that i worry too much and that you wanna do what you like to do...

if so... do you ever treat me as your gf and think a single thought about me and how i'll feel??

i'm so tired and mad...so mad..

i love you but i dont know what to do!

where'd you go...i miss you so

:(

happy 3 months together iain :)

I hope that we could be together for a long long time and hoping to move in together permanently cause skype sucks..i hate the distance between us.. its a good 4 weeks and here you have to go again.. never to know when will i able to see you again..

i feel like this 3 months together i've been through a lot with you.. its almost seems like being together for more than a year.. still there's so much things i would like to do with you more importantly having you around..

we're still aiming for this day that we could live together in this room that i'll go to work and you stay home and play poker..

i want to see you again hun and your barely away for 5hours..

this few weeks we've really good time and sometimes we have a bit of a fuss..

your the best thing I ever had.. it may not be as nice as before but it still is ..

today on our 3rd month.. i woke up feeling sad knowing that you've to go seeing you packing your stuff and we took a cab to the airport.. i wish i'd able to stay a bit longer together in the airport with you despite it our 3rd month together..

i took a cab home after seeing you off.. it don't feels the same anymore.. you would have open the door for me and we would sit next to each other and maybe holding hands and talk nonsense.. as i alight the cab i walk towards the lift looking at the chairs at the playground that you used to sit there to smoke and had a drink alone..

i came back up home.. walking into an empty room.. where you used to be lying on the bed playing with your macbook.. and also as i walk out of the room you would have been sitting on the couch reading the magazine or news paper..even watching tv..

it feel awkward and i felt so empty and lonely...

here i am just keeping myself away from thinking too much in this empty room without you..

i miss you hun.. i miss having you here with me for i know that you wont be next to me till sometime...

i feel so bad now....

i can't wait to see you on skype babe..

i hope you had a pleasant flight home..

It's sad when your far away and that I start missing you...

It's still sad... when your here now but your not close to me...

It's so hard...

I tried so hard to make him happy... tried so hard to plan the future for us and make things work again...to see each other again...

All I ever though of doing is for us.. for you...

But its so sad and tiring to see that you don't care about anything..

Dont even wanna talk to me ... or even be close to me and I tried to...

It's getting very one sided and It's so exhausting...

I want to be happy.... I want us to be happy... but you just wont care about anything...

I feel helpless.. I don't know what to do...

just feel like counting down to the day that I'm gotta maybe lose you forever...and i feel like i already lost you right now...

what ever happened to the iain i knew when i first alight the plane and the smile from your face...

i miss your smile and everything you ever once were that i knew of you..

where has the iain i knew gone?

all i see now is a fake smile and complains about everything and not giving a damn about anything..

i guess the hardest thing is to feel like you care so much about somebody... letting them know...showing them.. and they just turn a cold face at you....

i wish things will go better between us...

feel so cold....and confuse.......