It's been awfully hard to get to you lately...
It's all my work timing sigh.. Whenever I try to get to you you be away or asleep.. Sucks ball...

I hard myself that after half a year I still can't get over you.. I would still sit quietly thinking how much I still wish you were mine and just can't get you out of my head... It's so hard....
Just wanna hold you again

I don't know how long we have or how far we go but I want to let you know that your the best thing that ever happen to me in my life and I'll always love you with my hand on my heart.. I know we might have our arguments and disagreement but I hope we learn to understand each other and be more patient with each other.. I'll always be nice to you , be there for you and always try my best to be in your shoes..

I miss us.. They time we ever had together the train trips and countries we been to.. And every time I think of our times together it brings me to tears.. How you would hug me and tell me you love me..how whenever I was mad and you will always sing to me and make me laugh again.. Awwwwh.. I'll never be angry with you like that lol
Still i wish you will ever love me again with your warm and generously love..with just a little care and attention you would make my day so well.

I'll do anything to relive our moments together till the day I first know you where you would write me a small note everyday and warms me up and make me happy.
I will even give up 5-10 years of my life just to relive our moments together and change what's is bad so it could be a perfect memory for you and I..

What is your best memory Iain?

I sincerely hope you feel better soon and we can see each other again.. Don't feel too bad about yourself.. Things will calm down and slowly gets better..

Love you lots like jelly tots

It seems like you've probably find someone to occupy your time and you probably feel much better now... I'll be happy for you ...........

I never been so stress and tired in my life...
I get this chest pain from work, bending over and carrying 20kg of luggage all the time.. I couldn't speak out cause my chest is exhausted...

Where are you Iain when I need you the most.. I can't stand all these I wish the end of world was real...
I just want you to come back and speak with me.. Have you forgotten me? You walked away with my happiness and your my happiness...
It means so little but so much to me now cause being able to speak to you seems to be the happiness i could get now.....
I'm so tired from I never thought it be so psychical and mental especially when your not around.. It's eating me away....

To Iain from Claire

Oh why cant I be what you need
a new improved version of me
but i'm nothing so good
no i'm nothing
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence of love and of sorrow
i beg for just one more tomorrow
where you hold me down fold me in
deep deep deep in the heart of your sins

I break in two over you
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you dont see me, you dont...

here i'm in between darkness and light
bleached and blinded by these nights
where im tossing and tortured til dawn
by you, visions of you then youre gone
the shock lifts the red from my face
when i hear someone's taking my place
how could love be so thoughtless, so cruel
when all, all that i did was for you

i break in two over you
i break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
but you dont see me you dont..

i break in two over you
i break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
but you dont see me you don't...

i break in two over you
i break in two over you, over you
i break in two
i would break in two for you
now you see me
now you don't
now you need me
now you don't

I'm sick of losing every single fucking person I talk too!! Now my colleagues are boycotting me always leaving without me.. Today they all left the counter without telling me its okay to go.. I saw them missing and I call them a couple of times no one dare to pick up my call only until I speak with one of their mentor and said they already left.. I had it!! Fucking bunch of wimp its been like this the past 3 days.. Racist bitches!

Was really in a horrible mood yesterday..

I'm just so mad.. So mad that my arms ate itching everyday and im bit to shred...
so mad to see myself walking alone while others are paired up.. So mad that they've to talk about their bf whenever we sat down for lunch.. So mad that I can't just get away be a cabin crew so I don't have to come home in the same old room everyday wishing you were here... So mad that everything in my life you seems to be a part of it...... So mad that I woke up at 2am every morning to look at my phone wishing you were online to chat with me.... I hate it...

Wish you could understand everything I do so say.... Why has it got to be so hard..

Why can't you be nice to me again....

Stop disappearing...... I miss you

What would Christmas like this year might be one full of feelings for you...

I've a strong feeling I'll have to work and won't be celebrating with anyone or be anywhere...
Christmas sure is one of my favourite festival.. I always wish I could have a nice Christmas... as I never had a really good one...

Last year I spent Christmas with you. Though its not snowing and I didn't got a gift from you.. I still love to have you with me cuddling on the couch watch tv and have your mum's lovely cooked spread..

I wish I could turn back time and redo everything I've done.. Cause I've changed now but it's too late... You will never want to see the changed me and I'll always be the worst person in your life........

This year Christmas.. I wish you be happier and get well.. And that I'll see you again soon..

As for my birthday in march... It will be the same...

You are an important person in my life now... And everything that I do your always seems to be part of it well... That's what I wish...

I know things will be so much nicer if we stay close to each other... But we don't have such luck.. We were challenged and I'm fighting it to see you as much as I can... As long as I'm working as long as I'm fighting... I'll do my best to see you and your smile again...

I miss you... Especially the you when we will just stay in bed and play poker with chips or cuddle me from the back and ask me where would I like to go today..................................................

It will never happen again isit................

I'm sad I've don't have you to speak with me anymore..... Can't share my problems with you and I'm all alone :( can't see your face again... Have you gave up on me,,,?

I can't believe after so long together you just choose to disappear from my life ... I love you you know? And you just left me with a heart that's full of you....

I miss you so much... Please come back....

I don't know what happen I don't know why you disappear...

I'm so worried.... Sick...

I can't concentrate on work anymore.. I'll be constantly checking my phone and Skype if you come online...

Please Iain speak with me again I'm so worried what happen to you....

I miss you so much :((

Please come back on Skype....

It's been worst the distance between us.. It makes me wanna cry.. But I was just using work to distract myself .. I would rather be dreaming that I still have you....not sure what happen last night in the middle of the show.. I said I'll go to the toilet and next thing when I back you were offline and when I call your mum says your asleep...

Are you getting sick of me?
Sigh... There's so much we've done together please don't let this be over... Just like that........ I really wanna see you again Iain...
Tell me what can I do to have to back again.... I miss you so much........

You mean so much to me... I tried to text you constantly today when your online but you just ignore me.......... What have I done.......

The last few days when you were missing and that you were back I didn't moan or scold you and I learning how to understand how you feel and kept myself from asking too much question and let it be... But it's seems like that you just have it worst...!

I don't know what to do Iain.... Please don't go away.......

Your hiding from me again.....

All I know is that all of a sudden you just disappear in my life... When the last time we spoke was so well and normal.. And you just disappear......

How long you wanna keep going on like this.. Disappearing and reappearing in my life missing and worrying about you....
I can't even sleep well at night and I've bad dreams about you....

I hate you for what you've been putting me through.....

Why can't you just keep to what you say.....

What happen to making me happy........

Why do I've to go through this everyday......... Thinking whether you will speak to me or be angry with me worrying that you won't love me again....

It's so tormenting and tiring...... Why can't I have a loving relationship with you like anyone else why do I have to be alone and go through all this you have to give to me.......

I don't expect you to be here but at least be nice to me an stop disappearing............

I just want to be happy

Where have you gone?

When I got home your were offline when my phone come to life again. It was my off day and I wanna spend more time with you. Was looking forward to watch idiot abroad with you but you weren't online for so long... I called but your mum said your probably asleep.. I stayed up till 3am wake up at 6am and even 9am to see if your awake and online but you weren't...... Guess you went out instead.. Though you said you went out the day before so you won't be going out again today.... Sigh...
So hard to get to you now a days even especially my off day when I thought I could spend more time.........
Sigh I'm losing you.....

It hasn't been any better, Iain and I..

I've been busy with work and we don't get to chat much.. Most of the time he be too tired and grumpy..

I'm really worried ill lose him :/

I really wish he could visit me this coming Chinese New Year and I might wanna even join him back to UK...
Taking charge of flights everyday kinda give me the feeling of flying too especially couples goes on for holiday makes me feel more lonely each day.. I've never fly with anyone before and it's always by myself...

Really wanna do it with you..

Please don't forget me Iain...

I miss you so much