I'm so mad with myself...

and there's still nothing I can do..I can't sleep well as I even dream about it,waking up knowing that I didn't have a job and the days are coming closer and closer..I couldn't go back to sleep anymore cause I was scared..Everyday I never fail to search through Jobcentral, JobDB, Jobstreet,ST701,Straits times Recruit and sending my resumes..But my phone just choose to keep quiet the whole week...I'm tired..so tired..
I kept myself in my bathroom crying and screaming...so mad..
Why have I got to be so useless...so lonely...
I don't wanna result to what I did in the past...I don't want.....

I can't keep myself positive anymore..I fear for the day to come as long as I didn't have the things I need...which is the money to pay my school fees...
Please...let me study......
Now I know why people are avoiding me....Just cause I'm different...I couldn't control myself..and I really can't help it...I'm tired of putting on a fake mask to pretend that I'm happy...to pretend that nothing is happening...I just need a chance...a chance for me to study...It's disturbing me everyday..................

Dear Blog,
thanks for listening to me..and letting me type my complains and agony on you....guess your the only one which will listen to my problems without hating me or avoiding me...